Lately we have been struggling. Not as badly as it could be. But it really has been a struggle. We've been having financial struggling, behavior struggling, and just dealing with all the other life issue struggling. I'd been pretty down, extremely down and pretty hopeless. I was stressed beyond what I could take. Seriously, I was stressed beyond what I could take. I was doing everything on my own, and failing at it miserable.
One night, after spending the entire day in bed just crying. I told Bryan that something had to change. I couldn't take it anymore. I wasn't enjoying any bit of life. I wasn't enjoying being a mom, a wife, a person. I wasn't enjoying anything.
We decided that we needed to be a lot stronger in studying the scriptures as a family EVERYDAY. No matter what. We also decided that we needed to have faith and put our problems in Heavenly Fathers hands. We fasted about what to do. We were struggling with Hannah, to the point that I really didn't like her most of the day. I loved her, but couldn't stand being around here. She just yelled and screamed and whined ALL DAY LONG.
This change happened about three weeks ago.
We have received so many blessings both small and large through Heavenly Father and people he has placed in our life.
I thought I'd share some of the amazing blessings. Of course, I won't be able to share all of them, since there has been really so many.
*More hours for Bryan. He hasn't been getting a ton more hours. But just enough to make it so we can pay all our bills. He's also had a HUGE amount of sales that he gets commission on.
*This morning when I checked our bank account the amount Bryan got paid was more then I calculated by about $40. And I calculated pretty dead-on. That might not seem like a lot, but that extra will cover one of the bills.
*WIC. Our budget for food is really low right now because we spent to much on groceries at the beginning of the month. I decided we needed to go back on WIC. We go through like a gallon of milk a day. At three dollars a gallon, it gets expensive!
I was worried about our grocery budget for this last week, because it was TINY. We weren't suppose to be able to get in to an appointment at WIC until the middle of July. But somehow our paperwork got all messed up and they decided to just start things from scratch and told me to come in the next day as a walk-in. MAJOR blessing.
*Hannah. I felt that Hannah needed more positive attention. I felt that if we did that and if we also were stricter on what we let her get away with we would be able to stop the problems we've been having with her. She's an amazing kid. I've been given patience to deal with her. And she has also realized what needs to be done to make this a happier home. She only acts out a few times a day, which we immediately are able to stop, and some days we have no whining or temper tantrums.
*Maternity clothes. I was really starting to get down and stressed. I needed some pants that were comfy and fit. I haven't gained any weight this pregnancy, but the weight has shifted and I my pants were all starting to be really uncomfortable. One day my mom was like "and if you need anything, just let me know." Just her normal way of letting me know she was there for me, and opening the door in case we needed anything. I swallowed my pride, which I will admit was WAY harder for me to do then it should be. and said "i need a pair of pants that fit. I can't find a place in our budget to get some. I need just one pair." And she of course, doing what she normally does she went beyond what I needed and ordered me a few shirts and two pair of pants. More then what I need to get through this pregnancy. (i still have comfy pants that fit, just needed a pair to wear out in public). Huge HUGE blessing. Now I don't need to cry and stress each time I have to leave the house.
*Schooling. I think we've decided on what we're going to do. And I feel good and right about it. It also has been easier to homeschool. I have noticed that I was pushing Hannah to hard and going at a speed that was to fast for her in reading. Which was making her HATE reading. We are starting back at a place where she can have more sucessful days and regain her sense of love for reading. Things seem to fall into place better and we have better overall days.
*there have been small blessings and miracles, that are small, but big deals to us. Like this morning. Bryan was late in putting his work clothing into the dryer. He put the whole load in. When he went to get it out of the dryer, only minutes before he had to leave for work. EVERYTHING in the dryer was still soaked, except his work shirt and pants, they were COMPLETELY dry. Which is nothing short of a miracle.
*Hope. We have hope again. We decided to let Heavenly Father steer the ship. And though we know it's going to be hard, we know it's all going to work out. We are putting our all into having faith. And we are being blessed ten-fold.
We have had so many more blessings. We are happier and enjoying life once again. We aren't just sailing through. We know that we must put in our all into it and do EVERYTHING we can, and then let Heavenly Father put in the rest. Because if we take on it all by ourselves, we will fail. But if we do our all and let Heavenly Father make up the difference. We will succeed and find joy in doing so.
That's what we are learning. Slowly.. We've had a few Leman and Lemuel moments. But they are coming fewer and farther between. I've been having more Nephi moments. Where everything breaks yet we can still slay some beast to feed our family, through our faith in Heavenly Father.